17th November 1786

Mr Casson who died last week was one of those persons called crimps, whose business is to decoy men and procure soldiers for the east Indies, in which employment he had amassed enough to retire upon. His wife dealt in contraband Gin.

Bumper Smith a felon under sentence of transportation from Derby gaol, escaped on the 10th inst, surrendered himself by knocking at the prison door, and requesting to be admitted to his own apartments

16th November 1786

Mist

Squinting Agnes bought me a copy of the Derby Mercury in which I found my letter which railed against the outlandish fashions being worn by our ladies adopting outlandish fashions Viz

“I believe that there are few English ladies who in Wisdom and Understanding do not esteem themselves superior of the French, hence it surprises that they are their Apes, follow their fashions and retain Popish names given to their several dresses by Catholic ladies abroad. What has a protestant Lady to do with Cardinals, Pope Joan’s and Capuchins or any other mark of the beast? Let the Catholic ladies keep with them and confess to greasy headed, broad shouldered crew, if they please. I would have OUR HIGH CHURCH ladies call their dresses Laud and Sacrevells. The Low Church will wear their Tenisons; The Presbyterians can clap a Baxter, Chandler, Tong on the Shoulder. If it possible that a fine lady, after seeing her face in the glass, Can be an Atheist, such a one can have a fool caps, a habit of disgrace somewhat that has been worn by a pensioner when they are charged with Drunkenness and other malpractice.

A superstition that has been called a religion run out of its wits, so the custom of wearing Cardinals should be called a fashion run mad. A grave divine has called this fashion Popery. I would have reform else our Protestant ladies should imitate our sworn enemies”

15th November 1786

Showers

The shop of Mr Chondly the draper of Leek was broken into last week and robber of a large parcel of goods and about 14l in money. The next morning several pieces of cloth were found in the ditches and road side leading to Macclesfield to which place being pursued and a warrant for Mr Thomas Geldercock of the said town. He was apprehended and conveyed to Stafford Gaol along with two other apprentices

A few days ago a man who lived in Park St Birmingham was also taken at Leek for stealing a horse and taking it into Wales and then offering it for sale. He confessed the taking of that and some others and it is supposed that there must have been others concerned, tis hoped to make a further discovery. He was also conveyed to Stafford

14th November 1786

Cold.

A few days since Timothy Swinscoe of Fairfield a Wagoner was driving his cart between Lichfield and Stafford (being in liquor). Fell off and was run over by one of the wheels and was so hurt that he died soon after. He leaves a wife and a daughter

I struck on a plan to bring the footpads that infest the area close to the Cat and Fiddle Inn on the Macclesfield Rd to justice. I resolved with the aid of my manservant Goiter to employ the Ancients trap to ensnare the villains in the manner of the Satyrs. The ruse involved dressing Goiter like one of notorious women that haunt the stews of our cities hoping that this vision of loveliness would encourage the ruffians. It must be said that Goiter when powdered made a comely wench and we lay in wait near to the Inn. The evening was kind to us. It was cold but we had a full moon which made our presence fully known to any traveller on the road even if they meant well or bad. Whilst we waited I charged my fusil with stone, lead and a Harry groat to make the charge as stinging as possible to any ill fellow. We waited for around and hour and we were beginning to feel the effects of the Moorland air when I saw a fellow dressed in black passing the Inn and walking in our direction. He approached Goiter and before the footpad could raise his bludgeon I raised my piece. On examination of the prone figure we discovered that I had shot an elderly dissenting minister who was not dead but groaned. Goiter and I fled into the night 

13th November 1786

Drab A farmer in Cheshire, who keeps a good team of horse but had not entered on in hackney, having occasion to attend Stockport market, actually saddled a cow and rode her in triumph to and fro the market, attended by a large concourse of laughing spectators who enjoyed the joke

12th November 1786

Damp

Three people I have been told were drinking in the Angel Bakewell one day last week when one of the company being bored and for a trifling bet offered to carry a red hot poker in his teeth as far as the market stone and back again. The bet being agreed to , the man took the poker in his teeth and performed it. The consequences were that the man was so affected that his teeth dropt out and his mouth and tongue was so scorched that he languished to the next day and expired in great agony

11th November 1786

Hail. News that Mistress Wellock of Hag Farm was condemned to death for dealing with the Birmingham coiners. She is awaiting her end in Derby gaol

It appears that a gentlemen travelling on the road between Macclesfield and Buxton was attacked by two footpads with bludgeons in the most audacious and brutal way. Mr Stretch who had some loose gold and at first offered them 4 guinea coins, but not content with this they wanted to take his bags in which there was considerable property. He again presented them with his purse in which there were 40£ which they took and made off the dullness of the night and having their faces covered with handkerchief it was impossible to provide a minute description.

It is suggested that travellers take advantage of the day or take a guard against the villainous lurchers have hitherto escaped without punishment or want of example tis to be feared will follow them to further depredation

10th November 1786

Fog.

 Churgeion Quint’s reciept for the Ague caused me to have a wild dream which I will now relate

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I dreamt that I attended the burial of Lovelace Love and I resorted on a course assisted by my man servant Goiter to resurrect the vast corpse of Mr Love. I had been made aware through reading the journals of the experiments of Signor Galvani who had attempted to restore the vital spark of life into a dead frog by means of electricity. I too felt that I could carry out the same operation on the body of Love by means of an electric flux delivered by a storm. I was also aware of the work of the American Franklin. With Goiter’s help I used a derrick to expose Love’s body to the full fury of the storm. After a few moments I discerned that Love’s leg twitched “It’s alive”. I cried. The late Lovelace Love was now fully restored to life although the repose of death had further weakened what little intellectual capacity Mr Love possessed in life. I was now in possession of a 60 stone baby who thought that I was the parent. My anguish could only be imagined. I then proceeded to fashion a mate for the creature which bore a startling resemblance to Squinting Agnes. But so appalled was the creature by the ugliness of my late creation that he destroyed it. Leaving Goiter to fend off the rapacious creature I fled north and took a ship in the Orkneys for Ultima Thule, but at this stage the creature was in close pursuit. My dream ended in the polar regions when the creature, showing a surprising agility for one of 60 stones and now transformed into the Walrus of Love leapt from ice floe to ice floe until it had me in a deathly embrace “Father”, it said as we tumbled into the icy main.

 I awoke at this point in a sweaty clamour

9th November 1786

Showers

Died Lovelace Love. This gentleman was known for his extraordinary bulk. He weighed upwards of 60 stones and his coffin was 7 feet long and 4 feet deep. His death was occasioned by his immense corpulence

Am suffering from an Ague my servant Squinting Agnes sent for Quint the local churgeion. I must confess to feeling uneasy when this information was conveyed to me as Quint is a better Cow doctor than a human one and the sad death of Mistress Ralphs over bled by leeches is still the subject of gossip in the parish. But the alternative of Polk the Churgeion in Leek gives even more feelings of unease. Polk removed the left leg of a farmer badly gored by a bull and in haste removed  the left testicle.

Quint examined the stools and the urine and found the later somewhat discoursed and the colour of sack

Quint left a receipt for the Ague. It read "Take of the best bark in fine powder, half an ounce, venicle treacle, two drachms. Lemon juice as much as it will make a electuary. Divide it into three doses and taken over three nights in warm beer"

8th November 1786

Drizzle. A Mrs Wilcox aged 78, who for some time resided in Buxton, made it her general rule, every night to go around her garden, in order to discover if possible whether any thief was lurking about them. She would never suffer any person to accompany her but taking a loaded gun over a shoulder with a lanthorn in her hand, attended by a mastiff, the constant companion of her mistress in these nocturnal visits. She happened after a usual round in her grounds to be disturbed in her sleep, one morning by some thieves who had set a ladder against her chamber window for the purpose of robbing her: but she was walking out of her sleep at the time. Immediately jumped out of bed and seized a musket which she kept loaded by her bedside flung open the casement window and to her astonishment found one man advanced up the ladder and others prepared to ascend. She presented her piece and said “We you break in upon my peaceful slumbers and disturb my repose at this late hour. Be gone or I’ll blow your brains out” The thieves withdrew into the night muttering

7th November 1786

Frost.  A few days ago a Balloon supposed  to have been let off at Birmingham  fell at Cheadle in Staffordshire, The farmers took it into a two pair of stairs room, and attempted to blow it up again with a pair of bellows, during which one of them approaching too near with a candle, the remaining inflammable air tore off the wainscot, broke all the furniture, and drove out the casement to a considerable distance, but did no damage to the Bystanders, except singeing their hair

6th November 1786

Rain.  At Matlock died Ann Clowes- the Dwarf of the Dales- a widow aged 103. She measured 3 feet 2 inches and weighed 44 lb. The house she resided in was as diminutive in proportion as herself containing only one room about 8 feet square.

 Celebrations of the Divine deliverance from the Gunpowder plotters were put in place today. Mr Grimley the publican from the Weasel took it on himself to direct the proceedings in his usual bustling way which the rest of the villagers find annoying. He was careful in the construction of the bonfire which took some time to assemble - it was thought that some of the wood came from the house of Adamson the village fool who had expired some days earlier. It had rained for most of the day and the timbers and spars were wet through. As the day continued Grimley was getting angrier and more trying than usual as he realised that the wood refused to ignite and that an outside agent was required, Simpering Ned- an adequate replacement for the position of fool following the death of Adamson- suggested that a small casque of gunpowder might assist. Grimley agreed and finally seemed to be content as day turned to night. At dusk boys began to throw squibs and fireworks into the streets and at length the effigies of the Pope and Wesley were bought out in procession to much public opprobrium and cheering. At a given signal a torch was applied by Grimley to the bonfire. It took a few minutes to blaze. Soon it caught the gunpowder. The resulting explosion blew the effigy of the pope over several fields. “Ah”, quipped I “a Roman candle” as the fiery pontiff lit up the night sky disappearing in the direction of the quarry. Grimly emerged blackened and slightly scorched.

5th November 1786

Hail. I hear of a terrible accident that befell Frederick the son of Mr Mercury- a poor boy from a poor family- who was accidentally circumcised by a falling window sash. There was little blood.

It is the 10th anniversary of the murder and consumption of the balladeer “Singing Annie” by the Congleton Cannibal Thorley. I was in the market place in Congleton when Thorley’s cadaver was gibbeted. Of course there was a mishap when Fisher the Waggoner got drunk and lost the corpse on rutted lanes in the Delamere Forest but after the remains were found he was strung up much to the amusement and education of the boys of the local Grammar school.

On the subject of entertainment today is the commemoration of the discovery of the Gunpowder Treason and the occasion for bonfires and the burning of the effigies. As usual we will burn Pope Pius, but given the increase in canting Methodists amongst others I suggested that we burn a figure in crow black of John Wesley( I had occasion to threw a clod of earth at Wesley at Burslem  some years ago) and this course of action was agreed upon.

4th November 1786

Mist. On the way to Buxton I noted several urchins engaged in the ancient practice of cat throwing.( I recall fondly from my youth) Amongst them was the son of my manservant Goiter. In the town I found that damnable rogue Swelt the Magistrate fixing a notice to the board in the market place looking as always as if he had licked piss off a nettle.

 The notice read

“Several complaints have been made to the magistrates that apprentices and others have been playing at a number of games unlawful. The Magistrates are determined to prosecute with the utmost severity all persons playing at cards, dice, Billiards, Skittles, Cock fighting, Cat throwing and he-who-could-expectorate- the -furthest which practices are deleterious to public health and morals of the populace”

I retired to the Goat and Quaker where I heard the following curious tale gleaned from a newspaper. It seems that there was a house of a Greek in Constantinople which had been set on fire. By the assistance of a few Janissaries, he had nearly saved all his goods, but by some fatal chance, one of the children lying in a cradle had been forgotten. No possibility was left of re-entering the house and the despairing father had given up the child as lost. At the very instant a large mastiff the property of the Greek was seen coming out of the fire holding the baby in his mouth. Vain were the attempts to make the dog stop. The sagacious hound ran through the crowd and did not stop until he reached the home of a friend; he dropped the bundle at the door. The gratitude of the father to his precious servant cannot be experienced but the Greek killed the mastiff and had the animal dressed and served at a meal to solemnize the child’s escape. So much for Greeks bearing gifts

3rd November 1786

Gloom. Friends of Inchabod Daniels in an attempt to cure him of a melancholik distemper took him on a boat trip across the Black mere and threw him in hope that the cold waters would shock him out of his lethargy, but Inchabod drowned his last words were “glug”. My old friend Brough has recently returned from London where he saw the celebrated castrati Busoni in Drury Lane. “Castration has a strange effect”, remarked Brough “it emasculates and brings on a near resemblance of the other sex. Busoni had smooth skin and beardless skin. The ingenious Mr Lisle in his book on husbandry carries it further “continued Brough. I was at this time crossing and uncrossing my legs with increasing speed.. I remarked that the whole business of the castrati was a damnable Popish trick designed to rob the manhood and I would have nothing to do with the squeaking noises and unmanly foppery. In my excitement the broth that Squinting Agnes had brought in fell into my lap.

 Item 1 farthing for soothing ointment

2nd November 1786

Fog. The Reverend Ezra Elfgrope died of a seething of the bowels. Am. Went to my mine with my land agent Grind, The remains of the explosion have now been cleared up. The damage was caused by my previous agent Sweetley investigating  fire damp with a lighted candle. The prompt action of stopping the wages of the survivors has paid for improving the site and now labour can begin again. The widows of the miners killed give me an unusual sign as I pass. The Courier reports that the body of the popinjay and pederast Sir James Savile has been exhumed and burned on a beach at Scarbourgh. It also reports that the King has been talking to trees in Windsor Great Park again .

1st November 1786

Rain. Seth Adamson idiot of this parish hit himself with a hammer to see what it was like and died instantly. In am shot an interesting looking poacher. Visted Leek where a canting dissenting Caledonian preaching was harranging a group of open mouthed yokels. Paused only to jeer and long winded gospel thumper. My mail included correspondence from Mr Jekyll- my slave factor in the Indies. Read in the Courant of curious event of large pike falling out of the sky near Peckham. News of a hurricane in Barbados- many dead. Goiter my man servant was cured today of a pox. Squinting Agnes my other servant served me a peas pudding which being bad I gave to my wife. Item 1 farthing to purgatives